God dammit. I broke Steam.
More specifically, my laptop froze while I was enjoying a round of Team Fortress 2 and now it won't let me play the game. If I start Steam and run TF2 it pops up the usual 'Preparing to launch' dialog and, after a brief bit of puffing, just disappears. If I try it again, a 'Verifiying game files' dialog pops up briefly, then melts away. Trying to get my game on from then...on...is just a repeat of the verification chronicled in the previous sentence. Restarting Steam results in a scene-for-scene retelling of the previous sentences.
I see a pattern. That pattern is plaid. And by plaid I mean this is probably why I don't play PC games much anymore.
